Spring break, as most teachers know is a much-needed time for rest and rejuvenation. I can remember spring breaks where I did nothing but sit on the couch and watch chick flicks over and over. Lacking an art museum in our area, which I visited often in a previous life, (which I’ll share about in another post) as a form of personal healing. I instead found movies almost (but not quite) as helpful. One thing nice about a museum, you have a variety of images and art forms with which to engage. You can take your time, and when saturated, you can leave or take a break.
Spring Break Musings
This spring there was no break for me in the traditional sense. I’ve been writing the entire week. Well, almost the entire week. I’ve had some doctor and hair appointments, lunch today with my grown son and lunch earlier in the week with my parents, so I haven’t been a complete recluse, just almost. In fact, as I write this blog, I realize this too is a break from my dissertation work. I’m up to 16 pages and consider myself around half-finished. It took a while for me to find my pace. This type of writing is very structured and as an artist, rigid structure is something I have to spend time practicing. I always seem to find ways to “break” the rules instead of adhering to them.
But, today, I did receive a little golden gem, the break that I must have really needed. Too many years, the school year closes and in the midst of glad graduations, I experience a profound sense of loss. I question whether I made a difference and was as effective as I am capable. Could I have been more organized? Could I have added more feedback, better engage and inspire. I know that some of the blues could be akin to postpartum blues. But sometimes, the “blues” last for several weeks. I give my heart and soul to help my students during the year. Art for me is the discovery of self…and more importantly self-worth. but, rarely do I receive any recognition of having made a difference. I know within myself that i gave it my all and that I have made a difference, but the loss I fell at the end of a year sometimes has bordered upon profound depression.
This past Friday, toward the end of the vacation, I had to get some supplies at a local pet store and my son accompanied me as we selected the various flea and immunization meds for my dogs and cat. As I came to the counter, the young man gave me a bright smile and asked if I remembered him. Embarrassing as it was, I said, “Yes, but help me with the name.” When he told me, I realized that he had completely changed. He had long black hair that he wore over his eyes, almost obscuring his face. He struggled his senior year and I spent a lot of time talking and encouraging him, spending time after school to allow him extra time to complete his projects. He admitted to experiencing some depression.
Well, here he was now, short hair, natural hair color, gained some weight and best of all, looked happy, Genuinely Happy! We talked and he told me, “Of all the teachers and people I know, you were the one person I has hoping would come in. I really wanted to see you and tell you thank you.”
How had he known? That this time of year is hard. that often we teachers are exhausted and can succumb to feelings of worthlessness. Most likely he didn’t know, but my son did. He chimed in, “You have no idea how rarely she hears this.” After visiting and before we left, he walked around the counter and said, “I have to do this,” and gave me a big hug.
I know how much my teachers meant to me, which is why I went into this profession. I wanted students to know that they are of value and they have much to offer the world. I also purposely chose a field that was outside of the norm. The Arts are my passion, but without the encouragement of one of my high school teachers, I might have forced myself into another career. I wanted students to know that they are to follow their heart in choosing a career. I wanted them to know that if they love it, to follow their passion, regardless! If they work hard enough and don’t give up, the opportunities to use their talents will follow. Also, I wanted them to know that no job is menial if done with care and professional pride. Some of the custodians at my site are the best!
So, to anyone who is taking the time to read this, “Thank your teacher! ” Our career is a rewarding one, but a thank you does go a LOOOOOONG way!
artkat1984 